I had very little information about my birth parents, she was 17 with blonde hair and blue eyes, he was 19 with dark hair and dark eyes. My birth mom was 5'4" and my birth father was 5'7". I didn't need anything more. I was where God had always intended on me being and I was happy with that.
I had a great childhood. When I was 21 I had my son Dakota. Two years later I married my husband Kelly. We planned to grow our family and in 1999 we found out we were pregnant with our son Dylan. During a routine sonogram we found out that Dylan had a bone disease called Osteogenesis Imperfecta (OI). (You can read his story on this blog as well.) Dylan passed away at four days old. Fourteen months later we welcomed our first daughter Madylan into the world and three years later our daughter Lilliah was born.
During my pregnancy with Dylan, Kelly and I met with a geneticist to find out if we needed genetic testing done before having more children. I thought we would need to find out my medical history, but the geneticist assured us we did not. Quite honestly I was glad because I was angry, sad, hurting and disappointed that my son was not expected to survive. If I found out that OI was a part of my medical history I would have been furious. I did not believe I could handle the stress of searching for them.
Fast forward 12 years. I was talking to a friend whose husband was adopted. She shared how he was in the process of finding out about his birth family. I found myself interested in the process. She made is seem so easy. After some thinking and a lot of praying, I decided to go ahead and at least get my original birth certificate. I just wanted a name and maybe someday a face.
In August of 2011, I called the State of Kansas Vital Statistics and spoke with a wonderful lady named Tina. We discussed my story and she faxed me a paper to sign, notarize and return back to her. I mailed them back to her on Thursday afternoon. That Saturday, two days later, I received my birth certificate and adoption papers in the mail! My heart sank. I wasn't prepared to have them so soon. If I opened them it would all become real and there would be no turning back. I didn't know if I even wanted to know. Holding that envelope created emotions I never knew existed.
I opened the envelope later that day and nearly drowned in a flood of emotions. It was much harder to see her name than I expected. It was just a name, Melanie Stone, but that name gave her an identity that I never knew. No longer was she just my birth mom, she had a name, and identity, she was real.
I had no idea where to begin my search or even how. What if she didn't want to be found? What if no one in her family knew I existed? What if she was no longer alive? So many thoughts and questions ran through my head and heart.
The birth certificate did not contain much information other than her name, date of birth and an address at the time of my birth. No birth father information and I was just baby girl Stone. I was devastated. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't that. Why didn't she name me? Maybe she couldn't, maybe it was too hard for her. It was too hard for me to understand as well.
After searching for hours a day for about three weeks my heart couldn't take anymore, I called Tina back to ask what she thought my next step should be? I gave her the information I had and within minutes she had a name for a Melanie born on that day living in Clearwater, 30 minutes away. She legally could not tell me her name, but told me how to get it. Ten minutes later I had it! Melanie Beck!
Now let the stalking begin, only kind of kidding! I start with Facebook and find a Melanie Beck whose profile picture is a dog! A DOG!! I mean come on lady, I need a picture of you.
So I start looking through her friends list for possible relatives. I find her son. Let's just say if I were a guy, that's what I would look like. I knew this had to be her. Now what?
After having everyone I could think of look at his picture, I decided it was now or never! I wrote an email that simply said.
"I am looking for a Melanie Stone, who was born on December 31, 19__. I was born on June 27, 19__ and was then adopted. Would you please email me back and let me know if this is you or not? I don't want to disrupt any ones life and will not contact your family. I would just like to ask you a few questions. Thank you so much, Courtney"
No big deal. right? WRONG! It took me an hour to actually hit send and I felt sick after I did. What if she doesn't check that email? What if she doesn't want me to know who she is? What if? What if?
I didn't expect an immediate answer, but I still checked it hourly I'm sure. The wait was a killer. Three days later, September 28 at 9:45 p.m. I got the reply.
"That's me. Sorry for not replying right away, but I needed some time. Hope everything is alright with you and your family. I will try and answer any questions you may have." Melanie Beck
The kids were asleep, but I'm pretty sure I yelled at Kelly to come downstairs. I had a name, a real person.
Over the next couple of weeks we emailed back and forth. Then we talked on the phone Friday, October 7 for the first time ever. We talked for a couple of hours and agreed to meet on October 21.
Melanie told me about her family. She met her husband Dave about two months after I was born and told him about me right away. He would send her flowers on my birthday every year! What a guy! She has a daughter, a son and two granddaughters. They did not know about me and I was okay with that. I mean how do you have that conversation? It made me nervous thinking about how they would react to the news of having a half-sister they knew nothing about.
On Friday Melanie, Dave, Kelly, my mom and I decided to meet at my house for pizza. I'll never forget waiting for them to arrive. What if it was awkward? What if we had nothing to talk about? So many what ifs!
Friday came and it was great! We looked at pictures of her family. My mom brought some of my baby pictures to share with her as well. Our kids came later to meet her and I'm sure it was a little awkward for them, but it went well.
In November Melanie decided it was time to tell her kids. My heart was so nervous for her. Not so much that they wouldn't want to meet me, because I could understand that, but what if it created tension among her family? I can only imagine the emotions that filled their evening.
On November 7, I met my brother and sister along with their families. Nervous describe how I felt. I could see they were just as nervous. It didn't take long for the nerves to wear off. We had so many things in common, including a very good friend, Tiffany. My sister and Tiffany had been best friends in college and spent countless hours together. Tiffany and I had become good friends several years later. Telling Tiffany was awesome, but definitely a story to hear in person! Just ask!
Over the last almost five years my birth family and I have spent many hours getting to know each other. It has been wonderful and I don't regret any of it. I know it was all in God's timing. I will say the first few months were overwhelming for me. I didn't know how to balance everyone involved while trying not to hurt any feelings.
I have neither met nor contacted my birth father and have no plans to at this time. Sure, I'm curious to see what he looks like, but my heart is full. I do not feel that he would be very welcoming or open to meeting me and I'm okay with that. I do have a name and an idea of where he may be and I plan to leave it at that for the time being.
For the future I hope the relationship with my birth family continues to grow. Each of us has extended our families and I am grateful for that. Thank you to my mom, Kelly for being so open to all of this and for always supporting me, to Melanie, Dave, Jen, David and the rest of the Stone/Beck family for welcoming my family in with open arms. Thank you to my friend (you know who you are) for giving me the push I needed to start this journey. We had some great times playing Charlie's Angels on our hunt! I am truly blessed!
